Self Destruct

by Down In Autumn

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released June 23, 2014

Written, performed and recorded by Thomas McCann in a bedroom in South London.



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Down In Autumn London, UK

Down In Autumn is a Northern Irish ‘band’ that mainly consists of one member.
Occasionally other people will lend their talents to various recordings and performances, but usually Down In Autumn is small, mostly-acoustic, home-recorded songs all scrappily put together by me, Thomas McCann ... more

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Track Name: Punch Drunk Love
It's a back track catching on the back of your last few words before you hung up the phone.
Guess the point in time drew finer lines when you knew you'd be sleeping alone.
Now I stand cup in hand on the street of a car crash thinking of the wreckage we caused,
This piano's broke but I don't take no, 'cause I swear I'm gonna figure it out.
'Cause with everyone going on, and on, and on I feel like shattering glass.
And I'm stuck in reverse and sliding fast.
And before you see all the worst in me, and I keep losing my head,
You made the good things happen instead, you make the good things happen instead.
I was right back snoring on the floor while the pouring rain kept our secrets inside.
And I wanted to shout, get it out, but you doubted honesty in things that I said.
But to me you were easily everything I needed to keep feelings in hand..
Guess it's what I expect, got my head to neck, face down, and I'm feeding on sand.
'Cause with every time I tried and tried and tried I never made that connect.
I'm surround in swirling static sound effect.
And I did believe there was hope for me each night passing out in your bed,
You made the good things happen instead, you make the good things happen instead.
And if I collect enough of these will you run off with me?
It's practically free, I need you to please take it seriously.
'Cause I remember thinking maybe good things happen to me.
You made the good things happen for me, you made the good things happen for me.
I'm punch drunk, I'm a dumb-fuck punk - But I love ya.
Track Name: Self-Assured Destruction
It’s probably just the booze, but I always feel like shit
The lack of sleep, the nightmares and the shit that comes with it
I know it’s probably just the smokes, but this asthma’s here to stay,
The lack of breath is useful when you’ve nothing left to say

And when it comes down to it, you tried to help me out
I'm grateful for that, but really there’s no point
Cause you could never mean anything to me
It’s self assured destruction that I need

Its probably just the drugs, but I sometimes feel superb
The lack of worry, self doubt all replaced with feeling loved
I know it’s probably just the cold, but I’m always feeling sick,
Or maybe it’s the lack of warmth from people that I miss

And when it comes down it, they tried to help me out
I'm grateful for it, but there was no real point
Cause they could never mean anything to me,
Its self assured destruction that I need

I don’t know wha'ts missing here, it's probably something small,
Often found in bottles and available to all,
Or maybe something found in tiny moments in the heart
But I just don't know where to even start.

So when it comes down to it, I’ll try to help me out
You might notice, but really there's no point.
Cause I could never mean anything to me
This self assured destruction’s all I need
And you could never mean anything to me,
It's self assured destruction that I need.
Track Name: Back To Basics
Back to basics you're hoping to be a someone
that every person is hoping to meet
A list of lovers as long as your arm, and that’s ok,
Cause every person is perfecting the art

You're just another sentence.
You make them up to pass the time
and leave a message leading them on down that lonely line and
you feel like shit about it,
Erasing numbers from your phone,
We’re wasting so much time alone.

Once you get past the opening words, then you’ll find,
That every person has nothing you like
And all you want is to be understood, but you know,
What's the difference when you're in the mood?

They're just another write off,
You sign them up to pass the time,
There's not much point in leading them on down the same old line.
You feel like shit about it,
Just adding numbers to your phone,
We're wasting no more time alone.

This arrangement, it's pretty vacant,
I hate faking, I want better now
And I’ll say it, I cant play it,
But ill make it cause I'm fading out

I'm just another sentence, I make them up to pass the time, I'll leave a message leading you on down that lonely line and
I feel like shit about it, erasing numbers from my phone we're wasting too much time alone.
Track Name: More Realistic
I haven't been in love for days, the calendar the diary says that
I've been concentrating much too long
And in the springtime, love will grow, from sunshine melting all the snow,
To warm up, everyday that you’re away.

And second chances come and go, and love songs on the radio
Tell tragic tales of loss and bitter lives
But you said something that I recall, that I’ll see in no time at all
That fragile hearts protect themselves to breaking point,

And you always were more realistic than me

I haven't been in love for months, and winter takes away the sun
That I’d been hiding from to keep my cool
And lighting pictures of your face, and thinking back to all the ways,
I did my best, but it's not good enough,

I hibernate away inside. My duvet by the fireside
And drinking whiskey straight to keep me warm
And looking out the window to the street corner where you would park
To wait for you to drive back to my side

And you were always more realistic than me

I've been trying to get back on my feet
And trying to catch up on some long lost sleep,
To dream about a life that I couldn't lead

I haven't been love at all, cause years go by, but I cant recall
How you made my stomach sick with butterflies,
And how I spent my days and nights content to watch you sleep and I
Feel like I must have dreamt the whole thing up,

Cause you were always more realistic than me,
At least that's how I thought that it would be,
We'd stay together from age 17, get married have a kid, or two or three.
A house between the mountains and the sea, Grow old live ever after happily.
But you were always more realistic than me,
You were always more realistic than me.
Track Name: Sick
You make me sick.
And I make a mess of it,
Cant turn any of this, into a piece that will stick
Into your heart,
Stop it from breaking apart,
It’s much like mine, beating irregular time,

If I could only spill my guts
It wouldn’t matter as much
If I could stomach more than pain,
These songs wouldn’t always sound the same

I think I’ll quit,
Grant you one final wish,
And I'm getting the jist, of all the shit on your list
I’m near the top,
With all your hopes that have rotted
waste away, so what the fuck can I say?

Cause I cant even bring it up,
Tying my stomach up in knots
Used to be tangled up in you,
Now my tongue has turned to tape and my spit to glue

I make me sick,
And I'm ashamed of it,
Let's try and manage a bit, of some invention or wit,
To tell a tale, of how we ended in failure
And its true, its much more me than its you,

Cause I'm just lying to myself,
If it's not you it's someone else,
Cause while the feelings stay the same,
In time they'll go and find another name.
Track Name: Falling/Failing
Break my fingers making points
Grind my knuckles crack my joints
Falling into disrepair
My resolve is barely there

Distil each day down to a night
Spend it wondering what went right
How the when can I complain?
But feeling nothing’s not the same

I'm failing, falling in
I'm failing, falling in

Pointless animosity
For everything including me
Frustration our constant line
Chalk it up to losing time

Dress me up in shiny shoes
Slick my hair back I cant lose
I'm too scared to give it up
I'll sell whatever makes the cut