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Bloodstains

by Down In Autumn

supported by
Chris Baugh
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1.
Standing By 04:04
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Here it comes, we use each other as a crutch, and I now, can’t stand up straight, Falling down, is taking longer than I thought, and I still can’t see the ground, How to stop, the wheels from dragging you back to the start, and around I go, Flashing by, fragments of a former life, that try, to split my mind, And they’re always getting lost there. Sometimes I’m waiting for a chance to start again, But never realise that as I’m standing by that it’s too late, And I’ve lost track of years again, And I’m running out of any chance to change Drowning out all the past in echoed sounds and I keep my ears plugged up, Drowning in a comfort blanket of old skin and I’ll wrap it ‘till I’m stuck, Speeding up. Days go through like paper cuts and it’s death by taking time, And my hands blood-red from scrapping former plans, but I don’t remember why. And I’ve lost the will to try
2.
Voluntary Vampires 03:25
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I don’t remember how it feels, ‘Cause you flinch at touch, this curse is all too much, We’re out of luck. And it’s all consuming, I’d say we’re doomed in life, Which is to say, I generally think that all the time, Almost forgotten what it’s like, as we... Spend all of our time trapped under sunlight, And we crawl from the crypt in the dead of night, Thirst for a taste of another life, as voluntary vampires. We hang our wards around the walls, Arcane protective systems, to keep ourselves inside, We all know why, 'Cause there’s nothing left, they say we’re close to death, Which is to say, that’s what it feels like in my head, A familiar sense of dread, as we… Spend all of our time trapped under sunlight, And we crawl from the crypt in the dead of night, Thirst for a taste of another life, as voluntary vampires. And they say it’s getting worse, the hunger’s going to really start to hurt, We’ll never learn.
3.
Prepare For The Worst 03:49
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Winding back the clock has thrown the future out the door, Wishing for some rose-tinted shit that you shovelled in before, Scraping rock bottom, found a sinkhole in the floor, Earth is even blacker scorched, now I hope for nothing more. Weathering the storm has me praying for the rain, Clapping at the sky has me saying names in vain. ‘Cause no one knows how this will end, and all the while we still pretend, Prepare for the worst, Prepare for the worst now. Clutching close a petty grudge is always just enough, Keeping all the cupped hands down so they can’t ever try to reach up, Locked-up in luxury when they’re coming for your stuff, Hope is out of help these days, why would they have hope in us? And holding out has me handing back the reins, Finding out the next stage has me running back again. ‘Cause no one knows how this will end, and all the while we still pretend, Prepare for the worst, Prepare for the worst now. 🎸GUITAR-SOLO 🎸 Give us back our money or we’ll take it all away, Rail-tied under a gravy train, but nothing owed can stay, Without a hand to choke you, you’ve long lost track of all these days, “Won’t go back to how it was” - that’s what they used to say.
4.
Necronomicon 03:45
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Left on your own and now you’re talking to the walls, Addressing footsteps you keep hearing down the hall, It’s 3am again, it’s wearing thin, keep summoning the ghosts, Of every exorcism that clung closest to their host. And I will say another prayer, hope to god there’s no one there, With all these empty words the wrong way round. Because I’m seeing so much clearer every day, This unholy ritual was all I had to say, And now we’re on our way, embracing the occasion of our doom, It’s coming soon. Outline the alphabet across the bathroom floor, Keep hearing something scraping, scratching at the door, It’s dark at noon again, with rot-black rain, keep filling up my glass, Cheer every resolution that was never meant to last And I will say another prayer, hope to god there’s someone there, With these infernal words read upside down. Because I’m seeing so much clearer every day, This unholy ritual was all I had to say, And now we’re on our way, embracing the occasion of our doom, It’s coming soon. And the words you never taught me, have finally now brought me, Salvation from the hope that’s killing me, With wisdom from the ancients, blasphemic incantations, A cursed benediction set to wash this all away. Transfixed through hours in the pages of lost texts, Recounting cataclysmic prophecies of what will happen next, It’s come around again, it’s closing in, keep dreaming for the end, Of every shackle holding back the horror trapped within. Because I’m seeing so much clearer every day, This unholy ritual was all I had to say, And now we’re on our way, embracing celebrations of our doom, It’s coming soon.
5.
Up In Flames 02:56
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Calling out across a rooftop blackened by the endless night, Expect to hear a silence but I know you’re listening, And I haven’t felt a thing in days, I know you feel it too, But if you could shoot hope my way, I’d shoot some back to you, I hope this is our last stand, And even though the world is ending you’ll still be my friend, ‘Cause there’s nothing that I would rather do, Than watch everything that I loved go up in flames, with you. Huddled down under a blanket as the stars begin to fail, And there’s memories of something but I can’t quite place it, ‘Cause we haven’t heard a thing in months, these ears are no more use, But if you let me strum these strings I’ll play that shitty tune, I hope it’s not the last time, ‘Cause even though the world is ending you’re still on my mind, And there’s nothing that I would rather do, Than set everything I loved, to go up in flames for you. Sending static through the airwaves, saw the lightning in the sky, A spark has gone out somewhere, think I know the reason why, I haven’t thought these thoughts in years, there’s nothing coming back, So you can switch the station off, I’m sure the storm will pass. I hope it’s not the last call, ‘Cause we’ve not had a drink since the sky began to fall, And there’s nothing that I would rather do, Than toast everything I loved going up in flames, with you.
6.
Burn The Evidence 02:31
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Well, a month or too is doable, I guess? Been through our sentence this far, I’m sure we’ll suffer through the rest, Though the walls are closing in, and I’m turning white with stress, We’re breaking down and living with the mess. And I can’t recall the last time that we spoke, that didn’t end in accusations, spitting fire and smoke, it’s a ‘happy-ever-after’, someone’s written as a joke, And we’re scratching out each line we ever wrote. It’s the end now, someone’s coming round to repossess the house, We’ve no clue what awaits us, at this point we just need out, It’s the end now, and I’ve wished for it each night for fucking years, Burn the evidence that we were ever here. Left to the realisation that it added up to shit, Did we realise what we had before we made the call to quit? Burn the evidence so no one knows the fucked up things we did. Well, with no one else around you start to think, Could probably have done more to try and fix these broken things, Too preoccupied, unsatisfied with thoughts that never leave, Now reality’s infecting all our dreams. Was there ever hope for us making it through? Obsessed with what we don’t have, but not with what we do, Well the world has changed outside the dirty windows we look through, Hard to see when dirt’s reflected back on you. It’s the end now, something’s coming round to take away our stuff, Been made to seem so frivolous but we couldn’t get enough, It’s the end now, seems we ignored all the warning signs for years, Burn the evidence that we were ever here.
7.
Bloodstains 04:01
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Stark white silent room, Glass dark-red shades of doom, Lining up to be looked into. Poured out, offered up, All too eager to cut, Slicing up to be looked into. And you wonder why I’m never home, Now you’re calling up an ambulance to go. I can’t blame you, I spend all my time spinning test tubes in my mind, If I told you, I’m only trying to find the culprit of these crimes, And I really hope the bloodstain isn’t mine. Sort through, pick and choose, Each drop a part of you, Digging deep to be looked into. Spread thin, weakening, Revealing secret things, Pouring out to be looked into. And you wonder why you’re on your own, Now an ambulance is here to take you home. You gotta let it out, all the bad, all the good. Lose the tourniquet and spray it round the room, Paint the scene, all those nightmare things, Step back to see what the full picture means. Locked in, examining, What each new vial will bring, Been years and still I’m looking into. Obsessed, maybe so, Still so much left to know, So stick a needle looking in you. And you wonder why I’m on my own, Leave the keys there in the hearse before you go.
8.
Comfortable Annihilation 03:16
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Sneaking up behind you, better keep your wits about, ‘Cause it’s coming back around, Gonna kick you down and knock you to the ground, Rising up inside you, better try to block it out, Muffled screams and choking shouts, Gonna rip your throat and squeeze out all the sound, Closing in beside you, better clench your fists and swing, Cause you’re missing everything, Gonna break your bones and cut through fraying seams, Feel it going through you, better bind up those loose nerves, Cause it’s really going to hurt, Gonna make sure that you get what you deserve, An uncomfortable annihilation of a comfortable and nightly lie, That I can see through constant mist to a lifeboat that I missed, Gonna fuck it up again and every time. Lashing out around you, better take cover and duck, ‘Cause you’re too easily wound up, Gonna box you in until you’re frozen stuck, Breaking down above you, better up and run away, ‘Cause that mess is here to stay, Gonna put the pieces back all the wrong way, An uncomfortable annihilation of a comfortable and nightly lie, That I can see through constant mist to a lifeboat that I missed. Gonna fuck it up again and every time. Hate is always close, hate to say I told you so, Hate is always near, hate through an ever constant fear, Hate out of hand, kiss goodbye to all our plans, Hate in my head, keeps coming back to this... Uncomfortable annihilation of a comfortable and nightly lie, That I can see through constant mist, to a lifeboat that I missed. Gonna fuck it up again and every time, Mapped out behind you, better hope directions change, ‘Cause I lost my way again.
9.
Live With Yourself 04:04
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Jumping a sinking ship, I cut the rope too quick, now I’m drifting off to sea, That wasn’t long ago, how fast these days can go, now I’m drifting off to sleep again. Without a song to sing along to, what have you left to actually say? I don’t who I still belong to, ‘cause the band name on my t-shirt has since faded away. A row of empty squares, deleted, nothing there, and I look ahead for hope, Everything stripped away, exposed to scrutiny, and I’ve nothing much to show again. Without some colour on the canvas, I’m looking grey around the eyes, I don’t know how much I can handle, when the picture you keep painting won’t distract from real life, And I used to drink ‘til closing, still got kicked out all the same, I used to swing my head around, still wake up with the pain, And I used to spend the nights chasing the dawn with fading friends, Now I’m gonna have to live with myself. Can’t be fulfilled when there’s a crack in your glass, So you keep drinking ‘cause the drugs never last, Can’t be content keeping your clothes in your car, But you keep running just to find where you are, Watching the party die, still clinging to the lie, as the cops come rushing in, And nowhere else to go, can’t even think of home, ‘cause I’m running out of homes again. Without a photograph to pose for, you’re left looking in the mirror, Emptying boxes just to find more, but you know there’s nothing there. And I used to drink ‘til closing, still got kicked out all the same, I used to swing my head around, still wake up with the pain, And I used to spend the nights chasing the dawn with fading friends, Now I’m gonna have to live with myself.
10.
Life Do Us Part 04:09
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Jumped on the ride, caught a lifeline speeding by, Fell from the ferris wheel, I’m trying not to die, Round and round and round ‘cause the rhythm calms you down, On and on and on, ’till you’re flung across the ground. Is it ok that I need you? It’s ok, I’m leaving soon. Carving out time, climbing in to stay a while, Sunk into the sand, as it buried all our plans, Up and down and up, like an alcoholic’s cup, Down and up and down, like a victim screaming out. Is it ok if I think this? It’s ok, it’s leaving soon. Together ’till life do us part, Forever is doomed from the start, No matter, ‘cause everything ends, It’s better, it’s better than just pretending. Eventually this will take everything from me, A waste of everything I ever said I wouldn’t be, A new beginning of a film stuck on pause, The outro of a song you can’t remember, after all. Final words were heard, now you’re barely even there, Sense of losing hope, comes for you when you’re alone, Time and time again, always circling the drain, Days and days and days, watch them all get washed away. Is it ok that I need you? It’s ok, it’s what it is. Is it ok to not believe you? It’s ok, I never did. Together ’till life do us part, Forever is doomed from the start, No matter, ’cause everything ends, It’s better, it’s better than just pretending.

about

The plan was to make an upbeat acousticy poppy-punky album, and this is what happened.

It’s about standing still, growing old, losing hope, finding hope, reaching out, falling apart, thinking too much, getting angry, getting over it, and realising that everything ends eventually, both the good, and the bad.

Or something like that.

Also horror films.

credits

released May 14, 2021

Written, performed and recorded by Thomas McCann in bedrooms, living rooms and wardrobes in North London and Newcastle, Co. Down, throughout 2020 and early 2021.

Artwork by Catherine McCann Instagram.com/catherineitaarts

Additional ideas, feedback, support, motivation, inspiration and all around positivity provided throughout by Niall McCann.

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Down In Autumn London, UK

Down In Autumn is a Northern Irish ‘band’ that mainly consists of one member.
Occasionally other people will lend their talents to various recordings and performances, but usually Down In Autumn is small, mostly-acoustic, home-recorded songs all scrappily put together by me, Thomas McCann ... more

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